


never can say goodbye

by MapleAppleBittle



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, only a little though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 13:38:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14473875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleAppleBittle/pseuds/MapleAppleBittle
Summary: “I don’t want anything to change either.” He says. “But, no matter how much we don’t want it to, everything is changing.” He pauses and swallows, and I’m mesmerized by the way he licks his lips. “Everything except the way I feel about you. We can make this work, Si.”Simon is more than a little nervous about the future. Good thing he has Bram to help him figure things out.





	never can say goodbye

There are still 2 whole months until graduation, but in typical Simon fashion, I’m still majorly freaking out. 

Because I’m sitting at a lunch table with some of my best friends, discussing colleges. Because almost everyone knows where they’re going to end up next year. Because I don’t know yet, and everything is moving too fast. 

Because the boy I love is sitting right next to me and I don’t know what I’m going to do if we wind up at different schools next year. Not that he knows I love him. I mean, we’ve been dating since the end of January, but it’s not like I’ve told him that yet. But I can’t. I mean, what if it’s not as serious for him? It’s too nerve-wracking. 

Now everyone is staring at me and I come to the realization that, yeah, they’ve probably been trying to get my attention for a while now. Oops. 

“Earth to Simon.” Leah waves her hand in front of my face with a smug little grin on her face. “You alright in there?” 

“Oh, yeah.” I chuckle nervously. I can feel Bram’s eyes burning into my skin, and it gives me butterflies in the best possible way. “Just distracted, that’s all.” 

“Anyways,” Leah says as the rest of the table, except Bram, rolls their eyes. “I was asking if you thought any more about what school you’re going to.”

“Oh,” I say, blinking. “Uh, no.” For some reason, the entire table starts laughing. I feel my cheeks start to heat up. 

“Classic Simon,” Nick says, and I know he’s just joking, but something about the way he says it causes my chest to become painfully tight. I think Bram notices how uncomfortable this conversation is making me because he frowns and squeezes my knee under the table. I am more than a little bit in love with this man. It’s very inconvenient. 

“Anyways,” Bram says loudly, and I am so, so thankful for him at this very moment. “Nick, bro, why don’t we talk about what was up with you at practice yesterday….”  The whole table bursts into laughter as he says this, and I’m thankful for the chance to retreat back into my thoughts. I stare down at my tray, and pick at my food, trying to pretend I don’t see the way Bram is looking at me through the corner of my eye. 

The rest of lunch passes by quickly. I don’t bother paying attention to the rest of the conversation, though I think Bram can tell that there’s something off. Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything in front of our friends.  

Unfortunately, the lunch table is where my luck ends, because Bram follows me to my locker. And I can already tell he isn’t going to let this go. 

“Hey.” He says softly, leaning in so only I can hear. “Is something wrong? You were really quiet during lunch.” 

“I’m fine,” I say, though judging by the look on his face, he isn’t convinced. 

“Simon,” he says. He does not look amused. “I know you better than that. Please tell me what’s going on.” 

“Look, it’s just....” I trail off, looking around. Anybody could be listening. I may be out and proud but that doesn’t mean I want anyone listening in on our private conversations, especially after the thing with the emails. “I don’t want to talk about this here.” 

“Okay, fine.” He says. “We’ll talk about it somewhere else.” He takes my hand, and as soon as my locker door is shut, he’s dragging me down the hall. 

Because classes are in session, there’s not a lot of places we can go, so Bram ends up taking me out to the soccer field. We sit down on the bleachers, and Bram rests his hand on my knee as I try to think of the words I want to say. I don’t even know if there are words that can properly express how I’m feeling right now. 

“Take your time.” He says, and I silently thank the world that I ended up with such a caring and patient boyfriend. 

“All of this talk about college is freaking me out,” I say after a long pause. “I don’t know, I just, like, what if we end up on opposite sides of the country from each other.” Bram was accepted early decision to Columbia, and while I am so proud of my amazing, brilliant boyfriend, the thought of being so far away from each other terrifies me. I applied to schools all over the country. 

“Do you think that’s what’s going to happen?” He asks, his voice steady. 

“I don’t know,” I say, looking down at my shoes. “I just know I’m not ready to lose you, yet.” There it is. The thing that’s been keeping me awake at night. I know that statistically, most people don’t end up marrying their high school sweethearts, but that doesn’t mean I would be at all prepared if Bram decided to break up with me. That’s the thing that scares me the most.

“I think we can make a long distance relationship work.” His eyes look so earnest as he says this, and it feels like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. “And if not, we can deal with it when the time comes. I think we should just focus on enjoying what we have now.”

“I don’t want us to just be a fling that you forget about when we’re off in college,” I say, and this horrible pit of shame forms in my stomach. “You mean too much to me for that.” 

“Are you actually fucking serious right now?” Bram asks, and his eyes flash. This might actually be the angriest I’ve ever seen him, and that includes the time I told him the full extent of what Martin had done to me. He inhales sharply, and I look away, focusing on the pile of dirty clothes laying on my floor. “You- you really think this is just a fling for me. That I could just go away to school and forget you exist. That is incredibly insulting, Simon.” 

“That’s not what I me-” I say, and Bram raises his hand, effectively cutting me off. 

“I wasn’t done.” He says softly, and my heart sinks. His eyes are so sad and I hate that I put that expression on his face. I need to fix this. “I’ve told you things I’ve literally never told anyone else. I got on the ferris wheel. Simon, I wouldn’t have come out for just a  _ fling _ .” Bram’s voice cracks. 

“I’m sorry,” I say and my vision is blurring. I don’t know what to do or what to say to make this better. 

“I know you are,” Bram says. He isn’t looking at me and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. “The thing is...I love you, Simon. I know you have self-esteem issues, but watching you sit here and downplay your importance in MY life really, really hurts me.” 

I don’t know what to say to that. My chest hurts and I want to cry and throw myself down at his feet and beg for forgiveness. But the words can’t come out. I’ve never felt so claustrophobic in my life, and Bram looks heartbroken, and I really hate myself right now. 

“I love you,” I finally bring myself to say. “I don’t want anything to change. I like what we have right now.” Bram’s eyes soften, and he reaches over and takes my hand. 

“I don’t want anything to change either.” He says. “But, no matter how much we don’t want it to, everything  _ is _ changing.” He pauses and swallows, and I’m mesmerized by the way he licks his lips. “Everything except the way I feel about you. We can make this work, Si.”

I can’t think of anything else to say, so I kiss him, and he kisses back. It’s warm and wet and intense and over far too quickly. 

“By the way.” He says quietly, staring straight into my eyes. I feel naked. “If you ever seriously insinuate that you aren’t important to me again, I will leave you. It’s hurtful to me, and absolutely not true.” He takes my hand in his and presses a soft kiss to my fingertips, which helps to ease the tight pain in my chest. “I love you. I want to be with you. Please trust me on that.”

“Okay,” I say, and we kiss again and again until we can’t breathe and Bram’s lips are kiss swollen and beautiful. 

I never want to look at anyone else ever again. 


End file.
